I Repent

I know.

I KNOW that I'm asking for trouble. That this may hurt the feelings of some who read it. That many will be surprised and think (secretly) to themselves that I need to chill out. That the comments section on this post may see a flurry of activity and negativity - some directed toward me, some toward others.

But I need to confess some things.

Things that have been building for years that I've been, honestly...afraid to vocalize for a while.

I confess that my heart is bent toward assumptions and snap judgments. I confess that I've been content with status quo and keeping the peace. I confess that I've remained silent when people in my circle have revealed their wealth of misunderstandings about those outside the circle. I confess that I have a circle that looks and sounds mostly like me.

I confess that I have acquiesced by way of my silence while church-going, Jesus-talking, white peers "helped me" by explaining to me that "there's a difference between black people and n******." And all the reasons why being one of those things is okay and the other isn't.

Yes, this actually happened. 

In this decade. 

Those were the words used. 

Can you imagine?

I remember them because while I was disgusted and shocked, I remained silent. Because I had something to lose.

Approval.

Comfort.

I still have those things to lose. And it's not because of the most recent news story involving an injustice done that I'm posting this now ("Which one," you ask? Exactly.).

It's because of the Holy Spirit. Convicting me and showing my heart's complicity in things I tell myself I don't tolerate. Telling me that losing the approval of peers pales in comparison to the loss of life and dignity that fellow humans experience day after day after day due to the color of their bodies.

So, I confess. I've been wrong.

And now, I'm trusting the same Holy Spirit who has convicted me, to guide me in the way of repentance. This will probably make me as uncomfortable as it will you at times. I pray that I'll obey anyway, whatever that ends up looking like.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.