Sanguine Meringue: Here We Are

When I turned 29 this year, I set 5 goals to accomplish before the big 3-0. We all know that milestone birthdays in particular can provide great opportunities for giant pity parties. Knowing that's a strong possibility for me, I'm choosing instead to aim for my 30th birthday being a celebration of a few specific wins.

Here are the big 5:

1. Run a half marathon and beat my other half's time.

2. Eliminate one debt completely.

3. Ruthlessly weed out my closet, creating a primarily minimalist/capsule wardrobe.

4. Take a vacation to a place with real mountains.

5. Have family photos taken.

Recently, I started at the end of the list, and hired one of my most favorite people in the world to shoot some family photos for us.

I'll be honest, I fought myself on this one a bit. Came close to backing out a few times once I had it on the schedule. The "Reasons Not To" column definitely held some heft compared to the list of pros.

Let's start with the word "family." Somehow, this word has come to be primarily read as "parents with kids." I've received this subtle message in various churches and from culture at large, and I've noticed this definition sneaking into my own patterns of thinking as well. I believe there are subtle consequences that trickle down from this belief, though. Essentially, we end up telling people that a couple doesn't become valid as a family until they have kids, and an individual definitely isn't valid as a person until they are coupled or married.

False.

Usually, when people choose to have photos of themselves taken, it's surrounding this idea or these events...engagement, marriage, pregnancy, children. Therefore, I could easily talk myself into believing that I had no real, legitimate reason to take family photos.

And yet, here we are.

Me, Tim, and Titus.

My family.

This year has brought pregnancy, but no child. Not even a baby bump that would make cute photos. No pregnancy or recent birth to justify the extra pounds that always scream to me from photographs (which I also could have used as an excuse not to go for it).

And yet, here we are.

(Another of my favorite people in the world gave me this necklace for my birthday as a remembrance of the child we lost this year. I never knew a piece of jewelry could be so important to me, and I will be forever grateful for this gift.)

I have no "reason" to want to immortalize my family photographically at this point in time...other than the fact that I don't want to forget that we are, and have been for several years now, a real family.

I don't want to forget that this was and is us. This is what Team Onken looks like. Imperfect, tested by a few intense storms, but in it together.

I do hope that we will grow, that our family photos will one day include an offspring, or a few. But in the meantime, I don't want to be so caught up in trying to get to that next phase of life, or keep putting off things like this in anticipation of that time, that I neglect to preserve memories of this version of my family. I want to remember that this is us.

And so, here we are.

Side note: I need to give a HUGE shout-out to my husband, who is as awkward about photos of himself as I am. He fully participated even though this was 100% not his idea, and actually smiled for real in most of the photos. I love this man, and this is just one of the ways I know he loves me.